Dissolving marriage…

Keep in mind… People grow and change. Chances are… it won’t be exactly like it was before. But at the same time.. going through tough stuff like this… it could be even better!

my father is a marriage counselor so i’ve been able to pick up alot of things from stuff he’s told me over the years.

about 10-15 years ago, the trend was “you both need to be happy, divorce if it will do that” in marriage therapy. you had divorce numbers growing at an alarming rate. a few years ago my dad went to a conference and they had top councelors in the field of marriage doing Q&A (mind you this was a secular non religious conference). every person on that panel exclaimed that they now try to save a marriage at any cost.

attraction is fleeting, true love takes work. the true issue is a heart issue. you can read books and do date nights, and all that other stuff but in the end, what is in your heart. do you love this person. not, am i attracted to this person or does this person do enough stuff that i feel loved by them.

if you are struggling to show your wife you love her, read the 5 love languages. gary has many great tips about figuring out how to really show your wife you love her. she may not want to read it, but do it anyway yourself and start doing it.

my dad does premarital stuff as well. he has always said he could take any 2 people, and have them have a healthy marriage. you have to grow to love a person unconditionally.

X2 on the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Not only did I learn to love my wife in a way she understood, it is so powerful that I learned to appreciate my mother-in-law for her love language.
My wife and I went to marriage counseling and learned a lot about our choices. Marriage and love are choices we make each and every day.
I have been married for 28 years and went through what you are. I have been rebuilding the relationship little by little and reacquainting myself with her. She and I have both changed–she has different goals and desires now. And so do I. But we can still focus on what we have in common and enjoy our differences, too. When we first started 30 years ago, it was little walks and talks that brought us close. I concentrate on that now and when we get back from the walk, the glow is back. She’ll say, “Thank-you, I needed that (I enjoyed that).” And I affirm her with “So did I.”
Stick with it and realize that it took time to get to this state and it will take time to repair.